In conversation
Amazumi with Shirish Dali

Transcript

Shirish: So, I think we are being recorded right now. Yeah, all right I’m gonna go first or you want to go first.

Amazumi: aaaa!! anything you go first.

Shirish: you go first.

Amazumi: no it's not a ladies first anymore.

Shirish: Laughs okay. All right, Hi everybody, My name is Shirish है । I'm from Albatross.

Amazumi: I am Amazumi based in Belgium but from Nepal. Yeah Yeah So, that's that's me.

Shirish: Nice, okay. So, आज चै we're gonna talk about I don't know what we're gonna talk about yet but I think but I think the general theme is. I guess like what is it like to make music like when you're you know, theme is I guess like what is it like to make music like when you're you know away from home but I guess home away from home or being from like Nepali you know origins roots and living in a different place and you know doing your thing etc. yeah. So, yeah why don't you go ahead?

Amazumi: Start, start now, the time is now. Yeah, So the thing is like I moved around quite a bit. So, In the beginning it was a lot of going back and forth like Nepal, Hong kong. I did grow up in Hong Kong quite a bit. And I think like at most I probably spent about five years in Nepal. So, I did a bit of schooling there. And yeah like over time I ended up like studying in in India as well त्यसपछि I was I went to England and then finally came around to to Belgium like by chance. I literally just thought oh let's just check this place out because of my ex-boyfriend at the time which is kind of how I found my way in this. What should I call it? Like I started I really started making music when I met him, not that I wasn't busy with music growing up in schools. But when I started to pursue it I didn't think to myself this is what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life. But now what I'd say I think the whole pursuit started. And I believe that it's when I came to Ghent that I felt as if it was like a clean slate together it's like such a neutral place where I knew nobody and I didn't have the societal pressures of like you need to be doing this and I just ended up yeah being in the music scene from London to Ghent and then but to go back like in schools I I was always a part of a band however shitty they sounded. We sounded with like the bare minimum skills we used to go on stage and do whatever we could. So, sometimes I was in the drums on the guitar playing like whatever we knew. Yeah. So, Nepal, Hong Kong both both places I ended up being always a part of like drama groups and music because it was always enjoyable you know and you were really just a part of a you know an artistic community. And it was fun to be creative at the time. Like in Nepal, I don't know if you have. Did you ever go to Shuvatara?

Shirish: Like the school?

Amazumi: yeah, the school.

Shirish: I go to school. I mean school भित्र त I don't think I've ever been inside of Shuvatara. I used to go to a boarding school so you know it was तेस्तई थियो । but I mean location-wise I know where the school is and stuff. Yeah.

Amazumi: Okay because Avay is from there right like he went to.

Shirish: Yeah. So, Avaya and Dipesh. They went to school Shuvatara. I think they might have been like the first SLC batch or something. I don't know है।

Amazumi: Yeah. They were the seniors and I remember, I remember him. I hope he remembers me. Yeah. I think most of my music, memories music related memories is from Shuvatara because of the the first girl band that we had.

Shirish: Oh wow.

Amazumi: It was really funny like we went through different names in the beginning. We called ourselves the pills for some reason. Maybe it was like a grunge phase and then like these kids they started calling us the banana peels. [laughing] I don't know if that means we sounded really bad or they're just you know trying to be cheeky. And then we change it to inqouotive chaos which I don't really remember what it means but somebody in class helped us brainstorm a name and then we came up with that.

Shirish: So, all those names sound pretty funky man. Like banana peel I think I think I would be in a band like that banana peel.

Amazumi: Yeah it would turn out to be a great name. Yeah. So, that's where I ended up in my first all-girl band and then we played like के भन्छ like the simplest songs from green day. And then the silver chair. So, then yeah and then afterwards went to Hong Kong again ​​and played some bands there. But I was really like I ended up studying journalism. That's what I went to India for त्यसपछि I dabbled in like so many different types of jobs. That all the wild kind of in the background still. You know, being engaged in these jams and यता उता अनि like the the emceeing part just came out in london. त्यति बेला चै I was in a university accommodation and it was literally like through a cousin of mine. I ended up in this group of people because he was like yeah you're new to England. And these Nepalese youngsters, they're they're trying to do something. So, This group was like filled with filmmakers अनि like dancers and event planners and emcees. So, and then there was an emcee from Belgium who was there his name is Kush. And I met him there. I was very hooked on the Ciphers. I was like wow this is a really cool sort of atmosphere and I was very motivated to like try it out even though that time like I was focused on making a documentary. I made a little school assignment for about Kush. And So, and then all the while like I started to dabble a little bit into writing songs. I mean त्यसपछि yeah. I think my first rap would probably sound like nursery rhymes. [Laughing] but I ended up yeah I ended up just continuing त्यसपछि like did a lot of free gigs and trying to get experience. And we just did it for fun to be honest and then eventually because it's quite serious I guess and Belgium मा आएपछि चै I felt like okay. I'm getting more gigs and I could do something with it and then I continued and it just became what it is now. So, yeah

Shirish: Yeah. So, yeah quite an interesting task है actually. So, के ? Did you give S.L.C from Shuvatara or?

Amazumi: No. No. I left Shuvatra when I was like in year seven. Seven हुदा खेरि बीचमै मैले छोडेर अनि and I went to Hong Kong and I did my HKC that's what they call them there. High school को finals day पछि त्यसपछि एकैचोटी like I went straight to that journalism school in India. त्यसपछि फर्केर आएर I did like some other studies as well but yeah.

Shirish: So, like were you travelling with your parents then at the time? Probably right? moving around huh!

Amazumi: Yeah, I was all alone. I was. Our family is like always in different countries most of the time सानै देखि नै like you know Nepal मा हुदा खेरि my parents were in Hong Kong. And like when I went to India I went there alone त्यसपछि UK आउँदा खेरि पनि एक्लै थिए and then my भाइ was in the UK. Then we went back to Hong Kong. So, we're always like in different places. And up until now like last year my mom and dad finally came to the UK to kind of like settle. So, they're I mean they're across the channel now that I have with you yeah तर अब फेरी त्यो lockdown ले गर्दा खेरि haven't seen them in a year again.

Shirish: Yeah. So, that's that's quite a quite an interesting childhood actually because I didn't I didn't I didn't realise I thought you were just हुन्छ नि। किनकि मेरो चै is like mostly you know just Nepal Nepal Nepal and then after I finished the high school which is +2 भन्छ नि त यहाँ। So, once once, I finished that then I went abroad. तर even though like I was in Nepal like most of my years were in like away from home. So, I don't know so त्यस्तै त्यस्तै type को थियो हैन तर ।

Amazumi: Away from home ? As in like outside of Nepal? Or Or Do you mean like away from home but in the country?

Shirish: Yeah. So, for मेरो case मा like I was away from home तर still I was inside of Nepal. You know, I mean that kind of did shape. You know like me as I am right now हैन because of the past and everything. तर I used to always want to be like everywhere you know just like you maybe I don't know you know it's like why can't we go over here? Why can't we go over there? Why can't we live over there? त्यस्तो हुन्थ्यो के मलाई।

Amazumi: Absolutely so when you're moving around that much like Do you feel like, Do you feel like Nepali or do you feel ? You know like not your loyalty or anything but like because you're in so many different cultures right and every culture has an impact on you right ? So, like what is it for you like when you say you’re Nepali what is that like what, what is that? How do you identify I guess you know!

Amazumi: Very good question ! That's a deep thinking question because I remember even like when I was in Hong Kong and We were still very young and my brother and I were in this cab and we suddenly like looked at each other like we're asking each other genuinely like where do you think we belong? Like where do we belong and we couldn't come up with an answer then and I don't think I can come up with an answer now. That are like it it does occur to me sometimes when I there are so many gaps where I haven't spoken Nepalese in a long time त्यसपछि mommy हरु संग बोल्दाखेरि like I get it hits me that okay I'm nepalese and there are some things that you know it's just like switches क्या I think it's pretty cool that I take a bit of you know every culture including my own everywhere I go and it that also shapes me the way I am because I’m very open to a lot of things and I'm very thankful that I got this sort of exposure. Okay, I would live in different environments also having to adapt each time. There were moments like in the past few years where I had to kind of move because of circumstances त्यति बेला चै I felt like I was just um making a home here and I have to move again. But then I was like well I'm very used to that now just to uproot yourself or start again. Yeah,yeah and if I am in a in one place for a very long time. Then, then I would question like whether I want to settle down like right now I don't even feel like Belgium is like a final destination. Even though my mom thinks it should be because she wants me to settle down.

Shirish: You need to settle down.

Amazumi: And settle down right now. I was like yeah I haven't finished. I haven't even started. So, किनभने like the if I hadn't. Yeah. So, I was planning to move to Berlin after Ghent. Okay but that hasn't happened yet because now. So, I've got my partner now and because of that I ended up staying but if I had the if I could make that choice. I think I will keep moving around because I feel like I haven’t seen enough and I'm okay with having different home bases. You know ani some people like they're okay to travel as as long as they have a home base. Their home base पनि it's never been steady like even within one country. Belgium मा नै I’ve already moved like five times or more actually. So, it's yeah it's a part of my life I feel like it's a part of who I am now and I'm okay with it. I'm okay with not belonging somewhere entirely. Yeah I think that's what I would say.

Shirish: But that is still I mean the only reason I asked was because I mean that's your past first of all. हैन But there was no like because it's more like a societal norm नि त। So, you are who are you like Nepali but then you were in Hong Kong and then India. What like? So are you like Nepali or what you know? Like yeah yeah for artists I don't really think like because you know. I don't I don't want to belong to a place you know like if you're if I'm in one place for a really long time I feel like okay I need to get out of here. You know yeah तर अब काठमाडौँ चै like it's a little different. Kathmandu for me is like I have a like love it love relationship types you know and we have whistle without this. But you know like your past like affects so much of again who you are and then that reflects into your art right. So, that's why somebody who's like travelled and seen like different cultures like you just have a different way of thinking and stuff and relating to like the environment that surrounds you right.

Amazumi: Absolutely. Yeah yeah. I I think like it may I just realised that perhaps it makes me someone who doesn't necessarily want to I think it might be very cliche but like to want to do whatever is happening in this scene. Like I love exploring my own way of doing things अनि because like for example if there's a certain type of sound certain type of music that's that's really in right now like it's not something that I would hop on straight away. I would just like do my own take on it. You know because I've never been in any place or seen long enough to to want to stay within it and try to limit myself to that. अनि I think that's that's kind of how I approach my music as well I've had people who were very used to like a certain sound in the beginning of how I made my music how I rapped and then they were not used to the way I started to evolve and this petite try different things you know I even had like this DJ who was completely against what I was trying like new things no he even like skipped songs again like.

Shirish: Do this oh really oh my god.

Amazumi: Like he skipped all the new stuff and I was like why would you the thing is like I was too nice I was way too nice if it was somebody else they would have stopped the show. and be like yeah the the track तर त्यसको खालको like gatekeepers हुन्छ । And they're not used to like the way I try new things and and you know that's what it's about you have to explore. So, yeah I I think that's that's kind of the the person that I've become eventually.

Shirish: Because like I think everybody knows like there are certain moulds that we have to break and stuff and people I think do talk about it but they they can't really like apply that to their lives right. So, yeah. Oh yeah you have to do this you have to think outside the box but what does that really mean like thinking outside the box and when you see somebody else doing it. You're like wait a second it's almost like a nuclear reaction to like what you've been conditioned. As you're growing up you know अनि as artists like I feel like you definitely have to kind of push that boundary. And yeah for me like I think I don't know मेरो nature नै त्यस्तो छ कि यस्तो छ के like if if somebody says it has to be done this way like I don't want it out of my way like no it can be done the other way. Even though I really don't care you know.

Amazumi: Because like art is kind of a rebellion. I think it comes out of I don't know like you're trying to not just reflect society but like the the nature of art itself is like that. I think if you if you yeah I've been thinking about that lately.

Shirish: So, most of my songs like so when I when I write most of the songs like it's it's very heavily influenced like with like Nepali culture or politics and stuff like whatever is happening. Maybe nepal you know and अब I guess like I would say 50 percent of the songs that I wrote was like when I was abroad. So, I was like kind of trying to relate to like हुन्छ नि back home or something but then just being confused as to like again like sense of belonging. Like when you're abroad you're like okay I'm here you started I don't know like. When I went abroad I was like maybe late teens मा हैन and like as you venture out into the world you have this like idea. Whatever hollywood idea of the world right and then there's real world and eventually I guess everybody kind of goes through that like any person that lives is an expat or something or lives you know away from their you know whatever environment they they grew up in. And that identity almost like an identity crisis like you know wanting to be like your host community and then but then you also have your own values but then you know and it's like okay like am I trying to become this? Am i trying to like preserve my thing or what does that make sense it's like a different world. For those kind of people you know they're just like trying to balance between the two cultures you know. And I don't really like the fact like you have to be this or that type को हुन्छ नि त अहिले संसारमा । It's like why can't you have it all sort of you know.

Amazumi: Because I think people like to have I don't know they like to define things they they want to like be comfortable with a certain definition or a certain way that they see someone and if they they cannot pinpoint who you are you can't pinpoint your sound or whatever they they you know they search for it. I think I think it's if it's a part of human nature but it's interesting that you say that because there's a friend of mine who's like trying to start up design in Hong kong and it is about on the it's called on being Nepali. And she asked me to like write something as a forward as a blurb and I kind of said the same thing is that we throughout our lives we end up trying to either like trying to do the two things is feel a sense of belonging to some sort of community but at the same time you're trying to stand out. Like this is you know because we're we're all very customised we're tailor-made to our own experiences and not everybody's the same. And yeah so there's one part of us that wants to stand out and have because you will have different experiences even if you're Nepalese and I’m Nepalese we take a bit of the different things that make us who we are but at the same time like there is a comfort in belonging to a certain community even the lingo. For example like it the the nepalese lingo the that we say it it makes me feel home you know. So yeah I think it is a constant struggle. I think it's a part it's just the whole process that's the the journey that we're on I think. And especially as people who have lived in a few different places किनभने some people here like they find it very difficult not difficult but they think it's fascinating to know that someone has like grown up in these different situations because some of them have only grown up in one place throughout their lives. And I've seen that I mean that's also cool you know it's there's nothing wrong with that. tara They find it very fascinating that oh you can actually adjust and adapt to different places and some people can some people are not made for it I guess.

Shirish: But if you think about it like अहिले त almost 50 percent of our population is like you know everybody's living abroad right. So, I think at least people that are abroad maybe in different capacities but you can still kind of relate to that fact you know like. Home is somewhere else and then you know you kind of miss home sometimes you don't but then you know. I guess you always have that constant yearning to like go back. I don't know like maybe not to all but for me maybe like those 12 years or not like the first 16 17 years that I was here like really strong pull you know. अनि so how does like being maybe let's say like being Nepali you know whatever that is how does that affect your songwriting or does it or is it ?

Amazumi: You know.. How does it affect my songwriting? Well I have used a couple of words that's it so far. Because I haven't been confident enough like मैले एकचोटी चै Yoddha the rapper he I met him in london. So, we were in a jam session and then we ended up like I ended up featuring him on my first ep vamp भन्ने but uh the the whole ep's off spotify now it's there was some like situation with it but i'll re-upload it. So, a lot not a lot of people have heard the original अनि I ended up doing that song like without him because obviously he couldn't come to Belgium all the time. He hasn't performed it even once with me that तर whenever I had to do that in a live session. I ended up doing his verse and there is no way in hell I could write like that.

Shirish: So, that versus are in Nepali?

Amazumi: Yeah and a lot of people thought it was it was like my verse and I had to clear that clear the air like recently. I was like please Yoddha has the credit because this is literally only because I had no choice that I had to perform it and yeah. So, I would only when I get to a place where I'm confident enough to write like good Nepalese bars. Then yes तर एकदुई वटा चै like i end up throwing in some words which makes it really cool because then because a lot of people also didn't know that I was Nepalese. And when they hear like a word even like limbu words हरु हाल्देको थिए क्या । Like हंग्मा you know queen and this and that सेवारोहरु भन्या थिए । तर I really wanted to learn the Yakthung language the Limbu language and be able to rap in that one day like properly.

Shirish: Okay but I guess like so like Nepaliमा like you don't what I try to you know what I mean was like what iI meant was like you don't have to write in Nepali but like having that doing background cultural background you know you can express it in any any language you're you know comfortable in. But when you when it comes to like you know writing like how does that like being you know somewhat you know like growing up in the Nepali जुन छ नि त हाम्रो community the culture and all the stigmas that go with it like even when you write it.

Amazumi: The stigmas yes.Yeah like

Shirish: Does it happen does it have a big impact on the kind of you know verses you write or the songs you write? It doesn't have to be any subliminally or something you know. अब subconsciously पनि आइरा हुन्छ नि त । Does that ever happen to you? Have you ever?

Amazumi: No, Definitely Yes. I think when like the the whole like whenever I write music I realize that for me it's always a search for I guess the identity and not not to define it but to explore who I am through music. अनि त्यो गर्दा गर्दा चै I did end up like touching upon things in the past and also the the issues within our culture as well of being a woman for example the contradictions there are. You know of being worshipped as goddesses on one hand on the other hand these girls are still being sent to a shed you know every month or or just the the little battles that I've had within families. Being a woman and also other other stuff like traumas and what not. I ended up um writing a song called “Hangma” for a theatre production and that is heavily inspired and influenced by the culture that I grew up in even everything from like even the aesthetics of of the way the costumes were made they built it on the stories that I had to tell. so I am actually telling stories that happened in Nepal and that yeah that was the first time I actually wrote something very very autobiographical अनि like the the soundscapes as well and everything was very much in influence. It won't sound entirely Nepali but then you will hear traces of it in the stories and and like I said the soundscape in the way that I approach my storytelling अनि yeah so yeah I think like that has become stronger as I've grown older like I tend to like you said we have this urge to go back. And it's not just to like oh find my roots but it's yeah but I guess it is finding my roots. Because you're trying to understand who you are and why you feel a certain way about things and it carries yeah it definitely carries over into the music not all the time. Like I make all sorts of music but definitely in in some important songs I've uh I've had that I definitely felt the impact. Yeah.

Shirish: Is that is that a recurring theme or or is that like one isolated piece of music or what do you think like is there as you're writing now? Or something like? What is the theme of you know ?

Amazumi: What is the kind of stuff? I don't know.

Shirish: You know like sometimes for me it's not just मेरो चै like it's more of a recurring theme you know it's like I'm just concentrated on one thing and then I really like magnify that one spot अनि त्यसपछि really try and understand that one little aspect of it. So, it's like think about it like you're looking at a picture or a painting for instance and you're just focusing on one little spot you know and then like you make it super big and then that that in itself becomes like another something else. You know so मेरो मा चै it's like it's like a whole thing and it's very I just go into detail and then like just try and explore and try to maybe like reflect you know try and see like how do i fit into that or something. You know like or my reaction or like you know त्यस्तो type को हुन्छ के । So, but obviously yours is a lot more different because like you're you know you do identify and you call a lot of different places home right. So.

Amazumi: Yes yes like Hong kong and Nepal would be like the the main places where I obviously draw inspiration from but yeah there's a bit of London as well and I don't know. I think the recurring theme wise, I definitely feel like identity is always a theme and like just like the way you explained how you usually talk about things happening in Kathmandu or the politics and so on. Mine is a lot of yes self identity and a lot nowadays a lot about womanhood like that's that's becoming a stronger focus probably. As I'm yeah as I'm kind of reflecting on the past as well um and I did have a like so the theatre production that i was talking about is happening again soon. And I feel like that opened a lot of wounds and a lot of things I never questioned or spent time questioning before and it just it was like pandora's box. And suddenly I was like I can't, I don't know what to do with it so but that gave me so much more to write about it.

Shirish: But that's your source as well right हैन । You can go back into yourself and then you're just like I have so much to write about like express. You know.

Amazumi: Yeah exactly because for some time I felt like you know where you have those moments the the writer's block moments and you feel like ah you know what just I don't think I've lived enough I need to live a little more now to come up with more material and so on and so on. तर त्यो theatre production ले चै it just all hell break broke loose and I started pouring my heart out into things obviously I haven't released. I've only released like mostly collaborations in the past few years. And now I'm just working towards yeah an album, an ep and then continuing the theatre project as well and hopefully one day we can actually bring the theatre project to Nepal. Although I do it in english I also do a bit of Nepali in between but the the other actors who are also doing autobiographical stories they do it in dutch but they've already planned out like if they do it in a different country where it's speak dutch then they will either subtitle it or change their language to English. So, yeah but it's basically a story about three women from different cultures, from different backgrounds. So, it it talks about everything from adoption, colonialism and and like traumas you know sexual abuse, cultural kind of pressures like that kind of stuff all interweaved within these three stories. So it's very interesting and I'm very thankful that this project came into my life because I feel like it helped me as an artist to open up as well about what I wanted to write,about yeah.

Shirish: Yeah त्यहि त interesting man. So, the drama is it like do they record it or like what do you guys is it like a musical? Like how does that what is it how does that work?

Amazumi: Well it's a very interdisciplinary production. So, we have yeah we have some music so there is a violinist. She does the most she actually did the whole I would say like the soundtrack right. So, she plays it live she's a part of the performance as well but then I have my my little wrap in between as well called the hangma one. अनि we have a bit of acting it's not I wouldn't even call it acting it's literally like re-inacting parts of your life which is really tough. Especially especially…. yeah man it was like how many times do we have to rehearse but. Like it's funny how every time you do the show the the feelings are still fresh I thought you would be numb after playing shows back to back that it was not the case you always like see things in a different way every time you do it. So, there's a bit of that reenactment and then I think the. So, the director has like put in some fictional parts to to kind of make the story whole it's it's a constant work in progress. So, it will keep changing I think it will like keep developing not necessarily change and so yeah there's there's a bit of dance as well but it's not like त्यो you know hip-hop choreo or anything it's literally like theatrical movements. That reflect all the emotions and blah blah blah so yeah it's a mixture of different things it's not it's not a musical but we do sing we do a bit of music as well. Just a whole like three stories being told as a whole.

Shirish: Okay cool because I think like identity-wise when you're like not living in your you know home or whatever it is हैन that's like a recurring thing that always comes up right because first place where you go out in the world like who are you where are you from like you know you look like that or whatever you know and त्यसपछि always like that who am I anywhere you go it's not like okay. Just one I mean I wish we lived in a world like that but just us being humans as well you know you want to know like hey what is this guy where is you know who is this guy you know. You know like you know I mean like we went to a school where it was एकदमै rural area of the U.S. मै थियो हैन midwest मा । I mean almost like 99 percent was very conservative like white population you know. So and like I don't know like going in I didn't think of it much but then as you're in the society then you start learning all these things you know like how society is and not saying anything bad but that's that's that's how it is and then you start like questioning when you know you just have all these like what the hell is going on because you're in bubble you come into a different bubble and you're just like the other you know. अनि oh yeah yeah that really made me think like okay who am I because I kind of relate to these people because you know the kind of school we went to were like almost American style नै थियो हैन । अनि also the hollywood gives us like so much it's almost like a form of new like colonialism you know like without having to send your army or whatever you know and which you are it's just like culturally like infiltrate. You know that's why you look at the way I speak English. You know what I mean like why do I I know the way I do because I I didn't grow up in US. And you don't think about these things right because society might like when you have these kind of different accents like foreign accents you're like whoa so cool. नेपाली नेपाली accent मा बोल्यो भने चै like like and then you go abroad and you're like why do I have this accent.

Amazumi: That's so true man.

Shirish: A french man doesn't have this accent when he speaks English. Spanish guy doesn't have this accent why? त्यस्तो हुदा हुदा like even when we speak Nepali it's like. अनि त्यो like wait a second what happened? Like what happened to us. I mean that's why that identity kind of thing like always keeps coming back you know. What is this what is this what is this one like not that I care about it but like when everybody around you cares about it then then you kind of you kind of stick out like a fork in the road right. Yeah yeah like imagine like going to a school with 99 percent like conservative white population you just stick the up anywhere you go and then what what ended up what ends up happening is like even when you go to parties and stuff like that maybe people don't care. But eventually you start caring it's like you're just like you know it's like how do I even relate to these people do I can I even relate to these people and stuff you know.

Amazumi: Yeah were you able to assimilate easily or did you have a tough time like assimilating or integrating in that community?

Shirish: I mean I don't think I had a tough time I wouldn't say because beginning मा चै it was more like okay I'm here and now and this is what I'm here to do so and you when you don't have that extra जुन चै baggage छ नि of the culture like you know whatever then you're just like okay. You don't even think about it right and then somebody else has to point it out to you okay. So, like am I supposed to like I don't know and then you know this is I started taking some like human relations classes and stuff. And they were pretty intense about like race relations and like and then it's like a whole again that was another the pandora box जस्तो के अब हुन्छ नि what this is a whole new underworld type के yeah there's a subculture within the culture खाले हुन्छ नि।

Amazumi: Yeah, I think living in America must be strange though it is a different type of society in way. I don't know because I've talked about this with someone and this is the way things are over there. And yeah race just the whole thing of racist goes to another level out there. Yeah and rightfully so because like they're like everybody from everywhere you know is that's what made the U.S and त्यो भन्दै मा I'm not trying to like criticize but that's what it is you know it is what it is right. And I think like I I don't really hate the us or anything as a matter of fact I do like it that's I call that place home and like I spent a significant amount of time in the U.S. You know my growing years and stuff and I have lots of friends there family you know and but then at the same time like you analyze all these factors in society and then like maybe things would have been super different. If I was if I went there like when I was a little kid or something you know. Yeah but most of my upbringing was here and I have a solid foundation here with like American style education. So, one would think like as soon as they get into the US I will just kind of disappear you know.

Amazumi: Oh yeah yeah but it's like the kids grow up in UK like of today. They're literally they just grow up in a different country straight away and they develop differently yeah. Although although UK has a solid Nepalese community. The amount you know there's a lot of Nepalese culture that exists anyway so they will grow up with that but it's still a little different than someone like you know we grew up in a formative years a bit in Nepal. And that really shapes you differently.

Shirish: Almost like sometimes I would think like my accent because of my accent people there would think like I was from there and then and then when they deal with somebody that's American and Non-white versus somebody Non-white and foreign is totally different. Do you know what I mean? So, anyway but I mean the reason we're talking about this the reason I bring it up is because that has a lot of influence in the kind of stuff that I do because हुन्छ नि I'm also influenced with like the western art because I went to art school. So, we had to do a lot of like art history like fine arts etcetera and then. All these concepts of like philosophers and this and that and why somebody does this or like you know somebody different different era को आउँदा खेरि yeah. That really helped me right in Nepali because I I can't write in Nepali. I can't you know and everybody like nowadays think like oh you're so good at you're so good in writing in Nepali. And I'm like.

Amazumi: I didn't know that I didn't know you you felt that way because you you write amazing.

Shirish: I don't think so at all but I mean that really you know their first message like we used to do everything in English right. And then once I went abroad I was like I really want to sing in nepali but then that was really intimidating because you always you tend to draw your influence from something that's already existent right. अनि I never really like listen to like हाम्रो Nepali music you know and so you don't know like.

Amazumi: Sorry go on another.

Shirish: You don't know.

Amazumi: No you could. Sorry. I will let you continue. Okay.

Shirish: I mean I didn't know like how to write in Nepali. I mean ​​that was as simple as that and it was very intimidating. And so when I'm first writing I'm like no this is not good like what this is crap like how can you? यो कसरि बाहिर हुन्छ नि just like no I can't show it to anybody like this is super crap super crap super crap भयो। अनि so over the years as I went to school then I'm not trying to bash like when I went to school but you know I I've learned so much from there like I have so many good friends from that area like all the teachers and stuff you know it's like changed my life. तर as we're learning about these cultures and or these different like art periods and like different artists. Like why are they doing this? There's always a reason behind something हैन। And then that kind of gave me अलिकति confidence भनुम न That I can actually maybe I can attempt to write in Nepali and maybe people will think like or won't think that stupid you know. Are we stuck again?

Amazumi: Yeah you literally stuck on the last sentence and then you fast forwarded. You said then I felt like I could write in Nepali.

Shirish: अ so त्यहि त It was almost like I like you know like when you're not a fool is wise until he speaks भन्छ नि or she speaks whatever you know fool is wise until they speak भन्या जस्तो like I didn't want to be that fool you know. So, that was like same I just want to be like yeah this guy is cool yeah yeah I'm cool. Yeah I'm cool but deep down you're like man i don't know if i'm cool. You know अनि त्यसपछि I was really intimidated like writing because once you write it you're almost like exposing yourself. Because that's your way of expressing stuff and then people can’t attack you and yeah and I guess first मा चै we're so invested like it's like you can't take criticism right like or even not critic even critique like you can't take a good critique criticism it's like a different story right and people are so quick to judge like what. किनभने first मा आउँदा खेरि if you come across something that's never been done before you're not familiar with like people are not okay with it.

Amazumi: yeah.

Shirish: अनि so it's always like it was it was really intimidating for me to like come up with like Nepali writing क्या because I was sure…

Amazumi: How long did it take you to overcome that and be like okay now I'm ready to to put my my Nepali work out into the world?

Shirish: So, another thing was that like human conditions चै कस्तो छ भने like our brain really plays tricks on us right. So, if you're an artist like you need to be I think you have to be a master manipulator of emotions. And if you can't do that then how are you going to connect with your audience I know so there's that thin line between like you know like when you write when you're writing music and when you're writing lyrics like you know the spots. You need to know those sweet spots it's like okay this is where I'm gonna get them kind of you know and then you just kind of play on it right. Obviously even when you're watching movies and stuff like we tend to like respond to other people's emotions because obviously we're humans so movies मा पनि that's not really happening. You know it's not happening but then you're crying and you're like happy rooting for you whatever you know. So so at one point I was just like I put my foot down and I was like I'll just pretend this is good you know. अनि It was almost like के रे एउटा story छ नि त्यो King’s close कि के भन्ने एउटा छ नि ।

Amazumi: Yeah yeah. I know what you mean.

Shirish: So, basically एकजना ले लेराएर भन्छ नि त like एकदमै खतरा अब invisible things के भन्ने छ नि what is that ? Lemme google it है ।

Amazumi: Invisible. So, he kind of like doesn't wear anything right in the end.

Shirish: I mean everybody knows. Oh the emperor's new clothes. Everybody knows the story हैन and. If you're confident enough like you can you know dupe a king into this walking naked. So, I just tried to take advantage of that. त्यो पनि मेरो one of my classes मा त्यस्तै कुरा थियो like what is originality?भन्ने कुरा आयो के त्यसमा So what is original? हैन अनि।

Amazumi: Damn your classes the sound the classes sound amazing. Why didn't I take those classes ?

Shirish: Yeah. So, it really like threw me off you know अनि I was like our professor would like any like you know if you're in the art faculty like the way they teach you stuff your classrooms are set up it's completely different right. So, first मा I was in the computer science department which is like very formal education. Board, teacher, professor, classes. Art department छिर्यो like paint everywhere. It's like and then that's where I feel that's why I feel home right. मा त्यहाँ चिर्न साथ I was like I should be going to school भयो क्या ।

Amazumi: That’s so cool.

Shirish: अनि So I think that really helped me out you know like that originality and then like something has to start somewhere. You know and people it's almost like everything is like acquired taste like even your culture like if I was born in the US being Nepali being who I am what I look like. And I would have a totally different upbringing totally different mindset. You know my brain would function differently you know but but but knowing like Nepali एकदम राम्ररी। That’s your brain needs to be set up a certain way to be able to speak a certain language त्यसपछि English, Nepali you just have that wealth like pool of you know different experiences and resources right. So, I just I just started like making use of those you know like trying to apply these theories into like my life and then I knew like music isn't acquired this nobody like comes out of the womb like being a rocker or like a rapper or you know whatever. Your surroundings people so many people so many things so there's so many factors that influence it. And eventually you know it's just like beer you know it's acquired taste and i thought like if I hang in there long enough maybe they will be convinced.

Amazumi: And they were.

Shirish: I know. This is all hooks.

Amazumi: You need to write a book. I never looked at it that way but it is true it's very true. I feel like I'm taking a philosophy class or something. We're in a philosophy session which is yeah which art is. But no that's so interesting to know how you came about you know trying to work on your craft and use what it is learnt in those awesome classes.

Shirish: And also I don't I don't consider myself like a master at anything either because I think in this day and age. It's not like I don't want to be invested in like only one thing you know. Because there's so many things that draw my attention and I don't want to be like just a musician or just a whatever or whatever you know. अनि Yeah but that's kind of against the grain of the society as well because they want you to again हुन्छ नि अघि भन्या जस्तै you're not married, you're not settled, you're a kid. Bla bla blah you know yeah and I guess like being art being an artist like obviously you don't want to do that you don't want to confirm all these things. You know so all these things like I think I can reflect into my or express through music you know. Which is which is which is kind of cool अनि अनि and again like I'm I can't express myself well enough. So, most of my writing is like एकदमै scattered and vague you know and yeah and I've learned to like accept it. And I think that is now I feel like that is my strength which I thought was my weakness in the beginning. So,

Amazumi: You end up like structuring your writing in the end like when you have these scattered writings or thoughts. Do you structure like do you end up having to structure it? Or do you just kind of leave it as it is and and put it put it there?

Shirish: I think I do work on the structure that's one thing that I work on. So, I I think my writing is more about like almost like a presentation of like an idea. हुन्छ नि। And I'm not like every line you can say is almost like a paragraph because when you're like writing a verse you can actually. The more words you use the clearer the idea gets but अब हाम्रो खाले मा चै like in our kind of music you have like three minutes and then you have two horses which is like eight lines. And you have to kind of try and make sense.

Amazumi: Compress yeah yeah yeah then you gotta read it out.

Shirish: Yeah so if you can write I'm not saying like writing five pages is easy but like you have room to like really okay you take a deep breath and like you write it out. You know but when it's like when you gotta compress those five pages into like a page then you know that's just intense but I guess मेरो मा चै ठ्याक्क उल्टा भयो क्या। So, I just kind of that kind of became my strength or I see that as my strength and now I'm every time I'm writing I'm thinking more about not the words as words. Because words words are just like arbitrary things that carry like so much of information right. So much so now I'm not thinking about what that word or the concept ideas that word carries but I break them down into syllables. So that I can flow into my other lines. I don't know if that makes sense but.

Amazumi: No, it totally makes sense.

Shirish: Yes. So, sometimes you just need to kind of break it down into different syllables for me like that I mean that's where I found my I guess nepali writing मा चै okay. Okay there are so many words like how are you gonna like put it into you know अब lyrics मा के जस्तो एउटा गीतमा अब त्यति बेला एकदम महापसे हरु सुरु भैइरा थियो। Like you know DUI जस्तो नेपाल मा and I really wanted महापसे to be in the song क्या। It's like how do I put this in this महाप्से in the song.

Amazumi: Oh my god!

Shirish: It's an acronym first of all right. So you're just like you know around with those kind of ideas and just experimenting and and and. So, maybe in in that aspect like पहिला चै I was like okay I want to put महापसे in the word or in the song. and then I worked around it so I put it already in there. अनि I just ….

Amazumi: Yeah, I totally get that I do the same I do the same as well.

Shirish: So, that's त्यहि त ।

Amazumi: Because like when I get into the process it's usually it is usually free writing in the beginning. तर I think like most of the time I'm trying to ride the beat first. Like just go on like you kind of like come up I usually end up coming up with the flows before I even get into the free writing or. Sometimes it happens like if it's so like if it gets me to think immediately of a sentence then that's that but then some a lot of the times I end up writing the beat for a bit and doing a lot of gibberish talk तर like the flows there and then and then if naturally you get the ideas from wherever that is I think they call it the the greeks called it diamond daemon

Amazumi:e-m-o-n. I don't know if you might know it but. So, basically the inspiration comes from somewhere and. So, if that happens it's cool like you spontaneously start writing it in your head but then sometimes you have those keywords and then you lay them down you know what you want to say but you know you don't know how exactly you're gonna say it. So, the keywords are there and then yes and then you start moulding it around the the beat. Yeah it's just a process.

Shirish: Yeah I think I have a similar process usually. I just kind of hum the tune हैन first मा and then I try to transcribe it into the guitar. Yeah so basic whatever the chords are सर्सर्सर निकाल्यो अनि त्यसपछि Istyle like ok humhum मा and then I come up with the tune and then try and put the lyrics inside of that. And then again those keywords yeah those I try and find those words that will help me like get into the next or the you know the next line or something.

Amazumi: Absolutely absolutely. Do you have like do you immediately think of a theme? Or does that is most of the time like do you just let the theme come to you? Or are you actually proactively thinking of a theme because I know you're busy with it with certain things in your mind already. Like you want to write about this and that does that happen before or after?

Shirish: That can vary I think for me. Yeah I don't really sit down and think like okay I'm gonna write a song but sometimes you know you just like take a hit of joy or something.

Amazumi: Yes. Exactly.

Shirish: And then you pick up a car and then you’re like कहाँ-कहाँ बाट कहाँ पुगिरा हुन्छ नि त हैन। And I don't I try not to miss those moments you know because those are the moments that and saying every time i smoke i get that kind of inspiration but there are times and it just like comes out and I don't know from where or what but it sounds like cliche right at that moment that moment is like so easy to like यहाँ बाट यहाँ बाट यहाँ । And then sometimes you take the same thing and then the next day it becomes like total crap हैन You did something yesterday it's like this is the shit man. Okay i'm going to work on this. But भोलि गर्दा खेरि like what the hell is this.

Amazumi: Do you sometimes go back to it and be like oh it's not bad and then it starts getting better because there are moments where you, where you think you did agree. I think it's like the whole creative process. I think there's a meme for it as well they show how the creative process works in the beginning. Like yeah you come up with an idea and it's like oh shit ] this is fantastic like this is dope and then like you see the next day and it's like oh my god this is crap and then afterwards you take a break from it come back like hm it's not that bad. And then like you work on it again like oh wait it's getting better and then in the end you have like this finished product. So, yeah it's the whole process but like the reason why I asked was because I remember working on this album of somebody else I was on 10 songs on that album eventually and it was just this producer in a different city here. And that was the first time I literally sat down and wrote according to what he wanted me to write. So, he would tell me like this is what the song the the song would be about or I would want the song to be about this. So, it was really like a nice challenge for me and I was always going to the same spot like in his house in his studio.There was like this swing and I always go there. I never wrote outside of that place. I always sat there and then wrote everything I could for that beat with the theme. And it was cool. It was like almost like an assignment but I I thought it was yeah it was fun but most of the time yeah it's when inspiration strikes then that's that because you never know where your emotions take you. I feel like most of the time if I'm angry I make a lot of good music. If you know or if you're super sad but there's like this thing I remember, I don't know who said this but was it like a psychologist or an advertising group somebody talked about how the moment where you can come up with like the best ideas is when you're super relaxed. So, he did this experiment where you are holding something in your hand i think it's a ball and then like you just relax yourself and try and fall asleep right and. So, the moment you're about to fall asleep the ball or whatever it is drops from your hand and it wakes you up and it's like that that little moment where you're super relaxed about to fall asleep that's when it's best to come up with ideas. Apparently like that is the state that a human being can be in where they get inspired and because you're not thinking so much. You know you're letting the thoughts come to you and I thought that was pretty interesting and I think it's true.

Shirish: Okay. That's interesting songwriting. So, is songwriting really challenging to you? You like the process? You hate the process but you like the outcome what is it? For you?

Amazumi: I love the process. I I've also like of course there are moments where you're totally frustrated but I know how I work now. You know if most of the time if something like the beats I get the beats and then if it's super inspiring I write like I could write in like 10 minutes. And then start recording just to put it in while I'm hot. And then there are songs that I would not revisit five six months until five six months later. And then I'm okay to work on it. So, it depends it depends but I I enjoy it I know I know myself now. I think enough to know what works and what doesn't work and what I can tell people if they're waiting for me.

Shirish: Yeah yeah.

Amazumi: Yeah to finish this out.

Shirish: That in itself is a battle like trying to understand who you are right? or How you work? or What is the most efficient your workflow ? Yeah yeah त्यस्तो yeah and I think it's interesting and I think that's that's ever changing as well. no? Like as you're gathering more experience as you're growing older you know on. So, when you look back into like your past works and stuff, do you find some of them being like not up to par? Or do you feel like if I want to change it or something? or I don't know.

Amazumi: I wouldn't even go visit those songs. No. Yeah so I I know that whatever I wrote at the time is valid for its time. And I feel like even those nurseries rhyme sounding things I felt i've learned to kind of honour that. Like to to be like okay that was a you know a very genuine effort and trying to do something. And yes I can be very critical but I have this habit of like as soon as I finish a song and I've listened to it enough to enjoy it. And you know in different places like I have to move on and and then suddenly like I don't listen to that song for a couple of years. and I come back to it and then I enjoy it again. S0, Idon't yeah I wouldn't necessarily I don't think I'd change any song that I've put out so far.But yeah it's.

Shirish: Yeah. I totally agree with you. Because it's more like a it's a it's a it's a it's like that frozen moment in time. And we are continuously growing and learning that was you at that point in time expressing yourself. So, there's I don't think you need to like or anybody for that matter needs to be critical about it you know. But

Amazumi: Or ashamed ? No, I’m Kidding.

Shirish: But a lot of people you know they're like yeah that's that's that was like a long time ago. But then if that's the case then you know five years down the line today is going to be the same case right?

Amazumi: Yeah yeah

Shirish: So, you have to kind of like that's me and that's who I was and because of that you know I'm here. Or you know made me write something else or you know whatever absolutely grow up right. So, interesting.

Amazumi: There's an MC who told me like music is the only place where you can be in the present the past and the future.And I was like wow that's profound. Yeah and it is you know.

Shirish: Yeah and sometimes like I do find myself like some you I don't know if it's true for you but like when you go back. And when you break out of that mentality of like oh that was very substandard writing or music but then really focus on the emotion because songs you know like that kind of gives out some form of emotion right. People that's what they what people are actually connecting with. So, You're in a different place now five years down the line a year down the line 10 years down the line. And then when you look back for me like some of my songs have changed with time. Because

Amazumi: Yeah that happens I know I know. Yeah.

Shirish: You're dynamic and I think also the fact that when when I when you write very abstract and vague. Then it's totally like inter you can interpret it any way you want you know.

Amazumi: Yes yes it does have a meaning every time you go back to it. I think that's that's how I've experienced it as well because I realised that even if I wrote something now and it didn't make sense to me it would like somehow make sense to me years later. And it's almost like you're writing a journal. You know it's like you're looking back at your journal of what you went through at the time that you didn't understand then but then you kind of reflect on it because it's there it's a bit it's your time capsule when you revisit it. You see things differently or like it makes sense to you. And yeah I feel like yeah the whole music making process I feel like it's a way for me to make sense of my life.

Shirish: Of who you are. Because you can actually go back and like really sometimes get like an insight on yourself. You go back and you're like oh shoot that's the kind of person I am or like okay this makes sense. So, yeah that's very interesting I think you're the first person that I'm actually having a songwriting conversation.Because a lot of the times I try to bring up no offence to anyone but like you know it's about the just I guess the thought process when it doesn't really match with people. And then you're trying to say something you're like so what is your songwriting. Like i think she was just like you know I don't write that. I respect that but like yeah I'm I was trying to yeah deeper conversation or something. You know it's good to know like having other artists like really investing and really like you know trying to like get to somewhere. And like almost like exploring and like being vulnerable and you know writing bad stuff most of the time.

Amazumi: Hh yes.

Shirish: Yeah that's that's that's really that's really cool. So, I think have we been talking for an hour.

Amazumi: No. Oh my god wait it's more than an hour I think.

Shirish: What time do we start? how do I check what time we started?

Amazumi: I have no idea because I remember I think yeah yeah it was around 3:45. Maybe we started and then now it's five here so that's that's been.

Shirish: Maybe just a little over an hour yeah? okay cool you know I think because 7:30 maybe we came online and then yeah. All right so I think I think we're at the end of the time or?

Amazumi: Oh I was enjoying it.

Shirish: We can do this later.

Amazumi: We can do this later.

Shirish: Yeah yeah for sure. So, hopefully.

Amazumi: I think this is what it was supposed to be about but I think it it pretty much like connects with the whole theme of echoes in the valley to be honest.

Shirish: Yeah because like we are it doesn't really matter like we are Nepali at the end of the day you know. Whatever that means you know or you are off this land is how I think about it. Maybe when I think about like I don't I mean obviously Nepali Nepali नै भयो तर it's like something you know because all your your ancestors were here and there like there needs to be something right that pulls me back. You know it's not just like a random and then you know.

Amazumi: Yeah absolutely like I've I've even got this new song called ancients and it's literally about ancestors and kind of giving how much to to to you know your where you come from and like way down the line as well. And learning it's like because I'm in the in the space where I'm trying to explore the history of my family and also the history of the tribes. And how they live their lives ? I feel like that's I'm trying to draw some wisdom from there to live my life today. So, yeah yeah definitely it draws you back and I think it's for a reason.

Shirish: Yeah and it's not just in our rituals and the way we do things but it's I think it's more about like the idea you know yeah yeah behind it. You know like because when I think when people think about culture they're probably thinking about like oh yeah दशैँ तिहार this and that or what you know those kind of things right?

Amazumi: Yes yes.

Shirish: But it's but it's so much more than that there's so many like underlying layers that make you Nepali. Or you know what identifies as Nepali and it's not just like that the food or something like that definitely part of the culture

Amazumi: But there's much more.

Shirish: So, definitely so so I think that really should make sense in this context right because we are of Nepali origin living in different places. And it's a it's a it's a different experience like a shared almost like a shared experience I don't know it's like.

Amazumi: It's a shared experience yeah. It is.

Shirish: It's what being Nepali is. Like you know living in Australia that's also being I mean I don't know it's like. Maybe not being able to express it right right now you know their experience like. You know people like working in the middle east that is also a Nepali experience now. You know and so is people living in the US and all spectrum of life you know.

Amazumi: I feel like you really need to write a book because I I want what you're like because what you're saying is the things I'm I think about and I feel. Like I cannot articulate it well. and I feel like somebody like you would be able to put that down.

Shirish: Yeah that should be my next adventure.

Amazumi: Exactly exactly we're exploring all possibilities of creativity so.

Shirish: Yeah it totally totally makes sense and it's totally relevant to echoes in the valley.

Amazumi: To answer the question.

Shirish: Yeah. So, We did a good job.

Amazumi: It was so much fun butIi'd love to link you up with the the video of the diamond. I don't even know I'm saying it right but there's a kind of like a talk like a ted talk on on that so.

Shirish: Okay. Yeah please do send me that link. I would love to because right now especially right now all I do is more of a visual person. So all of my information is just like watching like watching the screen youtube and like reading off of you know different articles on online. So, I think again I think we are out of time I hope they don't like I don't know how long they're going to show this sport.

Amazumi: Maybe like cut this off like in the middle of it.

Shirish: Like 30 minutes of this

Amazumi: I know damn it's a good conversation.

Shirish: All right it was really nice talking to you. I'm gonna stop recording now. Do you have any last words you want to say to the people in the youtube land and.

Amazumi: Well thanks for watching us. Thanks for being with us on the journey of exploring our yeah songwriting and then creativity. And yeah I just hope that we can have more conversations like this. And I'm really just happy to be a part of the the festival in the first place. And it's such a beautiful initiative and I think that's connecting all of us all over the world. And it's nice it gives me a chance to get with people back home. Home home wherever that is but Nepal and everywhere else. So, yeah.

Shirish: Yeah I think we're out of time so I'd also like to thank everybody like you know who had the patience to like watch two people blah blah blah blah blah. And if you want to have more of these kind of conversations maybe we should uh set up like a different something. I don't know let's see. All right so you guys have a good day night evening morning wherever you are and hopefully we'll see you guys soon. Thank you.

Amazumi: Thank you.